Eat My (Eight) Shorts May 20, 2008

Once upon a long time ago in January, a lovely bloggette tagged me to do a meme.

And I held out for a solid five months. Because everyone knows you should wait until you’re really, really ready when it comes to your first time. 

But my meme cherry? Is so getting popped today.

When facing the imminent return of a boss who has been out of town since MAY NINTH, one weeps over the loss of a simpler time that allowed the blowing off of a lesser amount of work to blog. In the face of workloads multiplying by, oh, the millions, one finds it much easier to give it up. To memes or cherries or whatever.

(And, um, I wasn’t really waiting. I just kinda forgot. I guess I felt like I had to clarify this so you’d all know to think of me as forgetful rather than a prude even when it’s only an analogy to sex.)
 
Eight Things Meme (Straight to the point, this meme title is. Too bad I won’t be.)
 
Eight things I am passionate about:

1. Fried chicken.

2. Listening to the song “Youz a Ho” by Ludacris at work.

3. Calling anyone named Theodore “Teddy”.

4. Extremely shrunken versions of inanimate things. Like the tiny Tabasco bottles that accompany platters of oysters.

5. Oysters.

6. Music. And all its bastard children – playing it, listening to it, dancing to it, singing it, creating it, jamming in my work chair to it. I suppose this means I am also passionate about bastard children.

7. Semi-nonsensical phrases.

8. Creative endeavors. Like trips to museums or catching plays or attending concerts because hell yes always to live music or hunting for obscure furniture pieces or taking photographs or making homemade tshirts for my friends that read Jam Out With Your Clam Out. Or, you know, trying to assemble an entire suitable work appropriate outfit with only two skirts. (Ed. note: It is possible, but not at all recommended.)

9. Sex.

10. Quality company. Like the company of really kickass people. And not, say, The Hershey Company. Although I probably wouldn’t turn down the company of this Hershey.
  
11. Maintaining a general animosity towards voicemail and diet sodas.

12. Oh. Is it time to move onto the next section already?

Eight things I want to do before I die:

1. Visit every country (yes, every). Keep track on my world map with push pins.

2. Stand Daniel Craig and my boyfriend side by side; compare their likeness in appearance. Maybe also pinch Daniel Craig’s cheeks.

3. Start a band; name it Trashy Unicorn. Or maybe Backseat Blowjobs. (Ed. note: Which reminds me: I’m currently accepting applications for band members since I understand the accepted definition of band requires at least two people.)

4. Own a (female) Puggle. Name it Roger. Or Biscuit.

5. Drive a rainbow-striped convertible. Something Rainbow Brite would find satisfactory to own.

6. Run a marathon. Try not to die.

7. Scuba the Great Barrier Reef. Again: Try not to die.

8. Raise children in England; get them to develop kickass accents. (And, right, try not to die.)
 
Eight things I say often:

Nothing is coming to mind so I will skip this section, thank you very much. Memes are no place to overthink.
  
Eight books I’ve read recently:

1. Harry Potter and the WHY HASN’T DUMBLEDORE COME BACK TO LIFE ALREADY?

2. David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day. Again. For, maybe, the fifty-second time since I purchased it in high school.

3. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Because I worship Milan Kundera. The man makes me want to actively ponder the question of life. And people as fucked up as me do not normally feel encouraged to venture too deeply into such arena of thought.

4. Che by Jon Lee Anderson.

5. Nixon and Kissinger: Partners in Power. Because that’s what people who willingly spend multiple tens of thousands of dollars – or, as my father likes to say, stand on bridge, Daughter, and throw away into water the money, it all the same – to end up with a major in history do. Read books about Nixon and Kissinger. For fun.

6. White Teeth by Zadie Smith. About race and immigrant life in London. You know, to prepare me for when I move there and have my children who will develop British accents while trying not to die.

7. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I really wanted to love this book but I think I only liked it.

8. Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey. It’s my current read. Not done yet, but all the people who question how much talent the man actually has ever since he’s been outted as a fabricator need to relax, please. And also quit sipping their Oprah Juice.
 
Eight Movies I have seen Eight times:

(I’m going to read “eight times” to mean “a lot”.)

1. The Big Lebowski

2. Mean Girls (I blame TBS’ endless repeats. And my inability to quit cheesy ass tween queen flicks. Also? I miss homegirl Lindsay, Red Headed, who didn’t have to start a leggings line to make money.)

3. Shawshank Redemption

4. Empire Records

5. Home Alone (”Buzz, your girlfriend? WOOF.” May be one of my most favorite movie lines. Ever. That, and “Look what ya did, ya little JERK.”)

6. Arrested Development, Seasons 1-3 on DVD. (Ed. note: TV on DVD? Is a Godsend. Furthermore, in one sitting, this takes far longer than any one movie.  So it counts. Or doesn’t. Who gives a shit. It’s Arrested Development. It wins always.)

7. Fight Club (One of the few movies adapted from a book that I may prefer over the book. I’m disturbed. But Chuck Palahniuk disturbed? Frankly, my overactive imagination doesn’t need the encouragement.) 

8. Magnolia. No, Godfather 1. Or maybe Godfather 2. Hold on. Pulp Fiction? Old School? Wait. Definitely Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Or Traffic. NO. The Saint starring Val Kilmer. NO. BEST IN SHOW. OR WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? GAH.

 

 
Eight people who should do this meme:

1. The Situation Has Deteriorated

2. The Tranquil Doorman

3. Hollywood Sucker  

4. The Light(er) Side of Growing Up

5. d-blogged

6. Box of Jack

7. JenBun

8. And any and all meme virgins. Because I’m not ashamed to say I was your first time and you shouldn’t be either.